Toxic relationships happen when you emotionally give too much to another person. When you are constantly trying to please this person, make him happy and prove something. And as a result, you feel hurt. You stop liking yourself.

Why do we feel this resentment? After all, think about it, when we donate to charitable causes, we don’t feel offended, right? We feel, on the contrary, very well. Because we give from the heart, showing generosity and magnanimity. And in the first case, we do it under duress.

It is very important to listen to this feeling of resentment and then take action. But by no means can you complain. When we feel hurt, we tend to complain right away. And it is dangerous to do this, because. it gets us nowhere and may even bring us back to our old behavior.

What should be done? Turn those complaints into standards and boundaries. What does it mean? This is, first of all, being able to say “no” to people and activities that are not interesting or not suitable for you at the moment. And say “yes” to the activities you would like to do. Stop talking to someone if this conversation does not benefit you, or if you feel bad after such a conversation, as if you were scolded, although you did not deserve it.

Don’t be alarmed if you feel guilty or afraid afterwards. Just remind yourself that it was those emotions that got you into this situation and keep setting your boundaries. You may also begin to worry that you’ve gone too far by saying “no” or by stating your needs to someone. This is fine. When you start something new, you will make mistakes. That is the nature of it. But what you should be more afraid of is not doing too much, but not doing enough.

And then, when you no longer sacrifice yourself and your needs, you will not betray yourself, but will only do what suits you, then you will be able to give true love to another person. Because you will do it not under compulsion, but at will. You will even start taking time to figure out how you can surprise this person, how you can make them happy. And you will start thinking, “What would I like to do for this person?” instead of “what should I do for this person?”

Standards and boundaries will help you understand if someone loves you for who you are, and not for what you do for that person. In addition, the other person will be given a chance to love you for who you are. And you’ll see if that relationship is something worth keeping. It won’t be a deal anymore, it will be a healthy relationship.